Thursday, September 6, 2007

Loopholes, I See Dead Animals, Creature Feature

Tarali,

I am elated at the news that you are now mobile. It means we are that much closer to reuniting. I am counting the days. I have to say for being such an apparent sexual deviant that aside from the dreams (Last night you were giving me glorious head while I ordered us hand grenades at the Tropical...we then proceeded to lick suck and fuck each other silly up on the balcony while being showered with beads by the rabid crowd below. There was one point in which you and I were we were facing each other, you had your legs wrapped around me and I was standing, holding you in the air with my hands on your ass, like a perfectly balanced love churning pleasure giving machine...then I woke up. FUCK!) my life has been very blasé. The prior sexually charged existence has been relegated to dream land and to our written communications. There is an emptiness without you here and I long for your return.

In fact, I went to see a lawyer yesterday to see how enforceable the "no sex in public" rule is. I mean it's Bourbon Street...nudity is encouraged and helps local vendors sell beads... Who is being hurt in this scenario? He seemed to agree to a point but then cited six or seven of the arrests on my record that he said "Went waaaaaaaay beyond decent public nudity." Then he brought up the Mardi Gras Fuck Float again. Ok, so maybe being part of the parade and having intensely pleasurable sex for three hours on the motorized bed with wheels was not the most "discreet" move on our side. Then again, aside from a few uptight Christians and a couple children (What parent would take their kids to Mardi Gras anyway? They are the real criminals if you ask me!) the crowd seemed to sincerely enjoy our float. Anyway, there is some legislation that was passed back in the 30's that just might contain a loophole that would allow us to go about our free fucking ways. It seems that all we would have to do is check into a Looney bin for a couple of months and then once released, we would be allowed to go about our business via a "devil made me do it" stipulation. It is a little confusing but he assured me that "it is real" and that he will do some more research.

I am very excited about the fact that Angel knew the appropriate response to the sign of the Enraged Phoenix. The other day a tourist was a little too scared, like STAGED scared, and I got suspicious and threw the enraged phoenix at him and he responded with a wicked Sullen Snake. We had another round of crunk juice together after the tour. His name is Mick and I like him. He only has one eye, which made the Sullen Snake all the more impressive. He has a peg leg and he hates pirates. Perfect. He is a private investigator that has been asked to track several ambassadors of "The Mouse"...who apparently are looking to turn this place into a plastic perfect carnival.

Speaking of perfect plastic carnivals, the tours are getting stranger still. Bob Barker showed up on a tour two nights ago. He said he wanted to take the tour because "the price is right." Last night Pat Sajack showed up on my tour....unreal. And earlier this evening it was Chuck "Fuckin" Woolrey again! What in the hell? I could not help it and I am sure that the boss man is going to come back at me on this but I snapped. I slammed the tan man against a brick wall and asked him "Is this just a game to you?" He laughed smugly and said.."Well, yes. It is. I need to freshen up. I'll be back in two and two." He returned shortly with a Hurricane and a knowing smile.

More on how that tour concluded in a minute.

It is hotter than hell here. Even The Dungeon doesn’t provide relief from the blistering heat. The finches continue to fly at night. I followed a huge swarm of them yesterday but as it is dark they are very hard to track. I am considering catching one and putting a tracking device on it's ankle. I keep thinking about the tarot reader's advice and need answers...not more and more questions.

You are in a very vulnerable position love. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I suggest continuing to approach Angel with a touch of caution. The Perplexed Emu sign is ripe with potential double meaning, and although glorious it is the mystery that concerns me, if only a little bit. She does sound like a great potential ally. Where was she trained? Does she know about our situation? What is her feeling on finches? What are the animals really planning?
These are a few questions that leap to mind.


Ok, so back to the tour earlier this evening. I apologize for the meandering quality of my writing but I just finished my third cup of Crunk Juice and am doing my best. Ok, so Chuck was there, smiling smugly. I saw the shark bite victim, the rottwieler baby and goat chariot couple, all as usual. But as I approached the blood drinker brother building I noticed four freshly deads...hanging out on the street level corners of the building as if guarding it. One of them was the victim of a freak lama stampede, another the unfortunate recipient of a tom cat clawing...said his pet got "Cat Scratch Fever"....another was gored by a bison on the outskirts of new york . This guy just kept going "OWE! Yo yo yo, dat hurts-n-shit OWE!" Finally there was a lady there that says she was run over by her own dog. The dog apparently had been in the car, it was hot and he was pissed off at her. She made the mistake of leaving the keys in the car and Vroooooom.

So the building was being guarded by these very informative recently killed by animal people. At this point directly behind the group there was a incredible howl. This was a piss your pants howl...blood curdling. It wiped the smug look right off of Chuck's face. That got their attention...and mine. I have never heard anything like it. There was an animalistic wet snarling component to the howl that was a little too real.

My eyes then flitted up to the blood drinkers room and on the balcony, real as real can be stood a vampire. Cloak, teeth, yellow eyes, slicked back hair. Frozen yet solid as hell...staring past our group and to the rooftop behind us. I did a double take...he was still there Tarali. I thought, "Did the boss man set this shit up? This is incredible." The tourists were screaming, they could feel the evil dripping off of this guy, when another howl, this time closer and louder erupted behind us. I whirled around and glimpsed something....something animal, primal...a smell, the fear crept through me. I turned back to the balcony but the Vampire was gone. Knowing that the Werewolf is of course the sworn enemy of the Vampire has me shaking and questioning everything..or maybe it is all of the taurine in my system...I am considering giving that scared Japanese student a call or email. He ordered our book online, so I should be able to look him up...maybe he has some answers.

Maybe I need to lay off of the crunk Juice. I don't know. Tarali, all I do know is, I want you.

Please stay in touch. Your letters are what "barely" keep me sane.

Love,

Kendall

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Global Warming: Glitter: Constitution

Dearest Kendall ,

I took your advice and found that, not only did Angel know the sign of the enraged phoenix, but she answered with the sign of the perplexed emu... She is something of an expert in animal revolt and we have had several conversations concerning the finches and the possible influence of global warming and human cruelty and indifference toward them that may be spurning the odd behaviors that seem to be running rampant. The productive nature of my conversations with Angel and my desire to see you again are speeding my recovery, I am already eating solids and off of the ivs. I actually got to leave the hospital for a few hours yesterday, this town is really interesting...I am used to the honest hard sense of New Orleans and this place drips insincerity, at first it was a bit unnerving until I gave it a look and set my feelings aside...The visual feast of glitz is something to behold, today I saw a couple wearing nautically themed clothing, lots of gold, both overweight and around 65 or so, sitting next to each other on slot machines completely droned out to the point of not even being conscious...it was more eerie than dead people telling me their secrets...Speaking of, I did make it back to the morgue and found the woman attacked by the beaver, she said it was the most surprised and stunned she had ever been and then it was too late ...I presented this info. to Angel and she is working on analyzing it for us, I am thinking she will be a real asset in solving some of our animal mysteries. Send me any questions you want me to ask her.


I have been thinking about ways to handle our attraction addiction I have a couple of theories...one is if we are to exercise some control, we will diminish what we have, so much of it is the spontaneous and exciting nature of our sexual public encounters. and two is that if we are required by law to change our deviant behavior, is that not unconstitutional? Isn't that some infringement on our personal rights, don't you think we would have a case if we wanted to sue? Why did we ever agree to this shit? I hope you are feeling better and I know we will solve this and when we see each other unabashed passion my love.


I will keep you posted on Angels progress on the analyzing of the animal revolt info. and I am going to try and talk to some more people who are recently dead, that could be fun...keep your eye on Chuck'fucking'Woolery he's pretty slick. I will be out again tomorrow and thinking of you and the body that for now is hauntingly far away.

Love, Tara "LargeAl missin' Sutch

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Talking to Dead People : Signs : Finch Farm

5

Tarali,

Thank you. Thank you for being strong while cocooned in a haven of sterility within the city of lights and plastic. Yes, the undead are restless and although typically simple nuisances there have been some fresh dead, shocked with their new state that have been more than a little disturbing. There is "Shark attack guy" who, at Bourbon and St. Peter will fly out of the alley at the tail end of our tour and start simply screaming at the top of his lungs "AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh!!!" There is "Rottweiler bit baby" at Bourbon and rue' self explanatory....but the screaming baby is enough to give even myself the chills....it's all fun and games until a baby gets mauled by an oversized dog owned by an undersized owner.

Oh, and there is the "Run over by a goat driven chariot" couple....who just scream "What the..." over and over again. Very bizarre, but it is also clear at this point to me that the animal kingdom is pissed and they are going to take as many of us down as they can with them. I think it has a lot to do with the accelerated global warming...I mean, I know it was coming but there is something unnatural about it being 120 degrees in Coos Bay Oregon for a week in a row...just for example.

As to the operation....I am not ready to pronounce myself recovered...Yes, physically my body has accepted the transplant but we will only really know if the surgery has worked as a lust deterrent when we get back together.

If my dreams are an indicator, it is going to be a losing battle...as we are licking and fucking and sucking and loving, pushing shoving inside each other, reaching for nirvana, getting there, just as my dream is cut short. Fuck that is a tough one....still smarts here in reality.

Suffice to say, I think we can take precautions at first to avoid brushes with the law as a result of our "attraction/addiction" but once we are back in the swing of business as usual...I am not convinced that I can be strong enough to only experience our pleasure behind closed doors. I will try though...I am hopeful and still feel that an eternity in prison is worth an instant of your touch...I long for you and miss you tremendously Tarali...

I am glad that you have your friend "Angel" to help you through it. She sounds interesting...you might try making the sign of the enraged phoenix in her presence, just to be sure she is not one of them. You never can be too safe.

I am drinking crunk juice again...it is addicting, I believe and it keeps the demons at bay.

Speaking of Game show guy...I figured that son of a bitch out. It is Chuck "Fucking" Worley. He showed up again last night and had to use the toilet and announced to us all that he would be back "in two and two" which made it all click for me.

There now are more finches than bats flying at night around here. It is downright creepy. It makes the regular bats aggressive as they are being deprived of their normal meals and it is just frustrating as the finches are everywhere...it is a full scale infestation.

Your mention of a finch farm is disturbing at the very least. Keep following that lead...let me know...remember our tarot card reader said "Follow the finches, your answer waits there." Remember that?

I thought she was full of shit at that point but know better now.

Anyway. I am off to lead another tour, high on the crunk juice and having had a chance to communicate with you.


Tarali, hang in there.

Much love,

Kendall

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Surgery - Lust - Angel

4

Dearest Kendall,

Your letter finds me in recovery from another surgery. My body won't accept the changes we are trying to inflict upon it...Dr. F made mention of an alternative procedure but for now I must accept that even though for you success, I must go back to the prior insatiable neediness that got us into trouble before. Our only hope is that because you are changed, we can find some more resistance or at least discression...life is funny don't you think? The thing that gives the most pleasure is also the source of the most pain. Because it isn't my fault that my body is rejecting the transplant, it is still in keeping with our legal agreement and as long as we can avoid being lewd and lascivious, we should avoid any jail time...I don't know how to do that, I think I can until I see you and then I am drawn into a space that is safe and alone no matter where we are, and I know I can't stop wanting you, that's just silly. The nurse 'Angel' agreed that there's a good chance that after my recovery is complete, you and I will still be fine so I am hopeful...but in pain and longing for your touch...

As for lights, no, I can't see anything but a suspended TV. I am quite sure that the goal of the hospital is to create such an isolating environment that there is a greater desire to leave...I may have been hallucinating but that last time I saw Mandy and Allison, I could have sworn their teeth were whiter and they were talking about raising finches, a finch farm idea that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, they said it was a project for their class on domestication of animals, and when I asked some questions, they both got really quiet and then changed the subject...I wondered why Beth wasn't with them and they said there had been an unfortunate accident with the finches and she wouldn't be around for a while and again when I pressed for a why, I was met with silence and then they left...I have been trying to reach them by phone but to no avail, they won't pick up, I wonder who their professor is...that would be someone I could ask about the finches...

I could use some Large Al about now, and I would love to feel the air and have a drink with you but alas, I am restricted to clear liquids at this point and the stale sterile air of this place is sickening and empty...I miss you. So with the tour going so well, you must be feeling some satisfaction, I know that everyone in the 'office' loves it when you are 'on' because it lowers the suspicious nature of their other endeavors, speaking of, have you heard anything about our next assignment? I realize that timing is still in question but have they given you any info. on weather or not we get to do any investigating this time? I know they love using our theatrical talents for all of the dramatic torture of those who owe, but I like the intrigue of finding and evaluating the 'clients' too...just wondering. I always question the return tourers because I get a sense that there is more to it than just interest in Vampires, although you are pretty damned good at spinning a yarn, it is very attractive, I would repeat your tour every hour of everyday but we are talking about strangers who have less sexual interest in you than me...anyway, keep your guard up my love. If game show host guy and book guy keep coming be suspicious...

Oh yummy, they just brought me some jello and broth. At least I can walk around now, I am spending as much time as I can on my feet as they say it will speed my down time and get me home sooner and there is nothing I want more than to be home with you, while I was walking on the basement floor, I got the feeling I was being watched as I walked past the morgue, I looked up to see a huge male nurse staring at me and not smiling so I smiled weakly at him and he turned and walked away, it's like he could sense that I commune with the dead, I did receive your third eye messages, thanks, you look great too...and the freshly dead have so much to say! I didn't take much time there because I am not up to the task right now but I am resolved to head down there every chance I get so I can practice, maybe I can learn something new for my tours to scare the shit out of people...oh and there was one voice among them (the dead) that was saying something about a vicious beaver attack from her kitchen table?????

It's time for me to rest, Angel was trying to convince me that the mullet is making a comeback and to prove it, she went out and got one, hilarious, so now my nurse has a mullet and she thinks I should get one...I hope I don't give in while under the influence of the pain medication, would you still kiss me if I have a mullet? have some of that gumbo for me...say hi to Large Al and above all, get crunked and write it to me. I miss our life but am amused by the chapter I am in.
Love Tara' python missin' Sutch

Monday, August 27, 2007

Rap Sheets and Game Show Hosts

3

Tarali,


It is very hot and humid here, which is to say, normal. The Vampire Tours have been sold out each of the last three nights, so I am drinking Crunk Juice again. Right now I am at the Crunky Swashbuckler and scribbling this down in my journal. I had to come here as it is a happy place and of course the soothing presence and sounds of Large Al. I may be going crazy but I am starting believe that I am beginning to have "regulars" unfortunately. The terrified guy with the book and the game show host guy both now have taken the tour FOUR TIMES...I think. The surgery has been fucking with my head some, as it reversed metabolism and polarized the magnetic energy internally I guess I should have expected some mental backlash.


We had to do something...or try. Our sexual attraction landed us in the loony bin one too many times. And to have a public nudity rap sheet in New Orleans AT ALL, let alone one as lengthy and detailed as ours is beyond deviant, even sociopath.

Hopefully somehow the surgery and pancreatic/ endocrine gland switch will indeed lead to a desired effect. So long as Dr. F was on the Up and not fucking with us.


You asked about Finchy. Well, I have not seen the man again but I have seen finches slowing growing in numbers. They seem to be organized. I saw several dozen of them flying in the shape of a southern flag just yesterday out by the art museum. I was on my way to see "Depressy" to try and pick him up with a little hot gumbo from Jacques.


Your comment on the animals is more chilling than even my best night of performing a vampire tour. I did scare someone last night bad enough they bailed on the tour! That is always an accomplishment of sorts. The boss thinks it's a hoot when they try to get a refund. "So, you want your money back because the vampires of new Orleans tour was tooo scary?" Come on!


I am concentrating, sending you images and love through my third eye, bouncing thoughts and love and lust (not convinced the surgery has "worked" but won't know until we actually see one another again according to Dr. F.) I see you in my mind, with me, in the throes of passion on the 35th floor as the clock strikes nigh and the wolves howl from the bay and the singing man on the bike doesn't ask for spare change....it is in this hour that I will be there.


Tell me more about this nurse. Has Dr. F stopped by? Are his teeth still super super white? That was always a good source of amusement between us. How about Mandy and Allison and Beth? Your friends from the college all with names that have been Pop Songs? Oh, and can you see the lights of Vegas from your room?


-Large Al just jumped into "My Girl" hand motions and all


Love, Kendall

Viva Las Hospital


My Dearest Kendall,

I hate being stuck here in bed but until my body stops rejecting the replacement tissue, I have no choice. I am strapped down and 2 IV tubes are coming out of me, helping my feeble body to reabsorb. I am so glad you fared so much better and hope for both of our sakes that you don't experience any complications. I am told I will be fine and since the operation was a success, in time the polar reaction between us will fade, in fact, Dr. F said that we should be able to see each other within the month.

He said that our side effect was typical with this kind of organ exchange, and only temporary. When I do see you again, it better be with Crunk Juice in hand, that sounds so great, as does your mention of Bourbon street, I miss them and you so. I am curious about the tour group you described, as for the finch shouldered gentleman, was he alone? Did he seem to be leading or cavorting with any other woodland animals? There is evidence mounting about there being some kind of revolution in the animal kingdom...have you heard or maybe meditated on this idea? Any thoughts? And the guy with our book, are you sure?

I imagined the one who ordered it as a complete sociopath...maybe it was a clever character cover and he is really a spy...when we wrote it, we were trying to exaggerate enough to make obvious the relative unscariness of the eerie history of our favorite city...it is a beautiful paradox of a place with so many recoveries that it doesn't take much creativity to tell a persuasively interesting and devastating story, vampires and all. I will be home soon my love and better than ever...my nurse is here telling me how well I am doing and how great the incisions look, 206 stitches including the 100 internal ones, I guess we will know if it is worth it as time moves on. I miss you and want you to know that as soon as I am there to hold our python and lead the ghost tours, we can begin our real work...

Love,

Tara 'Crunklovin' Sutch

Monday, August 13, 2007

1st Crunk


1
Dear Tarali,
It is 3 AM here in New Orleans. I finished up yet another fucking Vampire Tour, my throat is parched, my nerves on edge and instead of a 7-up-wine concoction I opted for Crunk Juice tonight. It is late and today's tour group made me nervous. One of them arrived with a bird on his shoulder but not a parrot, a finch. This is a sign. Another was shaking in fear before the tour even began...he had our Vampire book...lord knows, he may have been the nut that actually ordered one on line last month. There was a guy that looked really familiar, like a game show host type, but I am having a hard time placing it...

Anyway, the sounds of Bourbon street rattle in the distance and my thoughts are drawn to you. I am writing as I am eager to hear how your recovery from the operation is coming along. My side is still a bit raw from the transplant and the fact that we have to live separately for a period of time compounds my angst.

The James Brown Voice guy is yelling about magic outside my window. Or maybe it is a ghost...ha ha.

More in a bit Tarali. Suffice it to say this place is not the same without you.

With wary trepidation and love,

Kendall "Vamp Pusher"